Let's talk about anxiety. NO. Let's talk about FEAR.
Our fears can be never-ending, all-consuming, and crippling. The effects can spill over to our work, family, relationships, and health. How will I make the rent payment this month? What will people think of me? What if we break up? Why am I always misunderstood? What if I'm left out? Why don't I feel good enough? Why did I just eat that, I know better? Why didn't I work out, I had plenty of time? What if I look like a fool? What if I never have a baby? What if I mess my kids up just like my parents messed me up? What does your spiral sound like? How does your fear manifest? Is it self-abasement, low confidence, anxiety.....anger? Our thoughts lead to negative spirals. We can so easily find ourselves bound in the ropes of worry. Clawing towards our goals in fear leads to reaping anxiety, strife, and the accumulation of trivial gains that drain all of our energy. DBT supports using our WILLFULNESS to stop the cycle of fear. If you are startled awake by a thief in the night knocking on your door, would you let them in??? When worry thoughts come knocking at our minds' door in the middle of the night, we don't have to answer. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO ACKNOWLEDGE AND REFUSE TO ANSWER. YOU HAVE THE POWER. . First, acknowledge the presence of fear and worry. See it, but don't chase the white rabbit. Second, use the DBT Distress Tolerance skill STOP. S: STOP! Don't say or do anything T: Take a step back...breathe O: Observe what's going on inside and outside P: Proceed mindfully This skill can help you survive your crisis without doing something to make the situation worse. What will you do to proceed mindfully? Talk to a supportive friend? Pray?, Distract? Change your emotions with something that makes you feel positive?? This is not a one-stop solution. Do what you can to shift your thinking, AND KEEP AT IT. You deserve a peace of mind.
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The trend seems to be that we are bombarded with reminders that the world is in constant turmoil. Add to that two cups of personal dilemmas, and a heaping tablespoon of work-related stress. Now combine all of these and cook under the pressure to perform. What do you get??? Suffering.
Consider the following situation: You are worn out by the global pandemic. The rush of the holidays has subsided. The political turmoil has resulted in the loss of close friends and the hope of reuniting with family seems like a distant dream. Work is exhausting and the family you are in contact with seems to be burning out as well. What do you do? Several choices can be made. 1. Solve the problem: If you can solve your problems, by all means, DO IT. However, many of our problems cannot be solved right away. 2. Change how you feel about the problem: Can you readily change your emotions? You might try telling yourself "this is not worth my time or energy" and still not be able to shake your feelings at the moment. Distress tolerance skills may help with staying present and positive. 3. Accept it: because what is the alternative? 4. Stay miserable: Shut down, scream, cry, complain, and embrace your suffering. Do not use any skills. 5. Make the problem worse. Refusing to accept reality leads to suffering. Denial of a problem leads to avoidance, discomfort, and those problems have a knack for coming back to haunt you... Radical Acceptance is the skill of accepting the things we cannot change. Radical= total acceptance with mind, body, and spirit Acceptance= seeing, acknowledging, recognizing, enduring, and not giving up or giving in. Enjoy this? check out Rathus, J. H., & Miller, A. L. (2015). DBT®skills manual for adolescents. Guilford Press. by JH Rathus · 2015 |
AuthorErin Coats, MA, LPC is a therapist of 3 years, a wife, a mother of two, and dedicated to helping others manage their everyday emotions. ArchivesCategories |